Thoughts after a 61h Fast.

It’s only when you’re doing a prolonged water fast that you really begin to appreciate food. What a marvellous thing it is. “What a concept”, as Tony Robins describes it. We should be grateful for every bite, every imperfect home-cooked meal, and every infrequent visit to a fancy restaurant with tasting menus and red plaques on the walls.

You can also understand why Death Row inmates are offered a “last meal”. No matter how bad, how evil people are, and how greatly they deserve to be punished for their crimes, even with some people arguing for the death penalty, these criminals are still human. Giving them a ‘last meal’ is a recognition of that sparkle of humanity - no matter how faintly it may glimmer. Food is what makes life worth living for many of us. It nourishes and maintains our bodies biologically but it also gives us so much joy and pleasure. Eating food with people that you love raises the appreciation to another level. Some of my favourite memories, and I assume this is the case for lots of people, are those at dinners with friends and family. When I think back to Oxford, I often reminisce about the formal dinners I had with friends at my college. Every Monday at Trinity, there was ‘Steak and Brie night’. You can probably guess what was on the menu. For the starter, there was a cube of fried brie with a sweet sauce and some roquette leaves on the side. Afterwards, you got a cut of meat with a communal plate of vegetables to choose from on your table. Compared with Friday’s candle-lit, 4-course “Guest Night”, it wasn’t that fancy. But I always enjoyed the atmosphere at ‘Steak and Brie’ night and I regret not making more out of it while I was there.

I looked up “last meal” and was taken to a website listing the choices of famous serial killers. Ronnie-Lee Gardner, a murderer sentenced to death in Utah, requested steak, a lobster tail, apple pie, vanilla ice cream, and to eat it all while watching the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy. Ted Bundy, a notorious and often glamorised serial killer, declined to choose and so was given the standard “last meal”: steak cooked medium-rare, eggs over easy, hash browns, toast with butter and jam, milk, and juice.

Ted Bundy’s last meal

This past Tuesday, I finished a 61-hour fast that I had begun on Saturday evening. I had planned to go for 3 days without food, but my mindset wasn’t quite right. Sunday was easy because I was by myself and I wasn’t around any temptation. On Monday, there were new starters in the office and so a team breakfast had been organised. We went to the kitchen and my boss had prepared a selection of pain au chocolats, croissants and chocolate studded brioche. Just looking at the food got my stomach rumbling and resistance was challenging. At lunch when I sat down to write in a meeting room, I was in spiritual turmoil. I desperately wanted to eat, to grab a sandwich at the vegan bakery down the road. I pictured the sandwich I’d order: red onions, coleslaw, spicy mayonnaise and chunks of delicious vegan meat all stacked between a fresh baguette. My stomach was growling so badly and I called my Dad to ask what I should do. He gave some suggestions but I knew it was up to me to make that decision - like the student who came to ask Jean-Paul Sartre for his advice about whether he should care for his elderly mother or fight in WWII. Sartre famously said to the student that there is no right choice except his own: thus we are all condemned to be free to choose. By choosing, we weave our personalities and create the course of our lives.

I broke my fast with a turmeric and ginger latte at the vegan bakery before work. I could have kept going because on Tuesday morning I felt fantastic. However, I was slightly unwilling to continue because my upper body felt very light, almost weightless, especially my head and on my Xiphoid process (the bone at the end of your sternum).

It was a highly worthwhile experience. I noticed that I felt a great calm during my fast: my mind seemed to be very clear and peaceful. I reasoned while journaling that this could be because my body was concentrated on my stomach with no time to focus on futile thoughts. It made me wonder whether certain foods that I regularly eat cause greater mental turmoil than others. I’m sure there are studies looking into this, but I want to know what’s the best individual case for me.

I’ve come away from these two days with a greater appreciation for food. I also noticed that the food craved by my body changed as time went by. On the first day, I seemed to be craving sweet food. I was dying for a bowl of porridge: organic oats, milk, a teaspoon of honey, a large dash of cinnamon, a big tablespoon of peanut butter, as well as a sprinkling of banana slices and raspberries. This changed 12 hours later to a longing for fattier foods - I was fantasising about eating scrambled eggs cooked with butter, garlic, and chilli flakes.

I’m glad to say that almost a week later, I still feel that new current of inner calm. I’m excited to do another fast in February and see what’s revealed this time.